Saturday, August 04, 2007
~ 9:58 PM ~
edited~
` if only time could go back. it just ain't the same anymore. with every second ticking away, i just wonder what would happen next. whether it would be something nice, something sweet. those wonderful memories seems to be increasing as days go by. but, those sad memories are stacking up real high too. i wished i knew whats on your mind. blowing hot and cold is just not fun. it only makes me wonder why. i don't know what to do. when should i let go, when should i give up. it only makes me feel empty. u left me neither here nor there. its making me go crazy. my heart was pounding. and now, it still is. but it seems dead after seeing you sad and angry. it makes me wonder more and more. just what is happening to me. reality kicked in but yet, i still don't know what i should do. i know what i want. but that goal seems unable to reach. it seems far. and i am tired of waiting. u gave me an answer. but later, u gave me false hope. it makes me wonder why i am waiting. cause its of no use. i cried cause of you. i smiled cause of you. i sad cause of you, i happy cause of you. it may sound stupid. but that's what i am doing and feeling now. i couldn't stop thinking. i want to shout it all out. but i just couldn't find a place for me to shout. i have been bottling this up. it has been bothering me. and i just find it hard to let go. i wouldn't regret taking this path. cause, its sweet. although there are ups and downs, they are still very precious to me. i would take these memories with me through my whole life. the memories are sweet. and i appreciate it. cause at least, i had this kind of feeling before. it wasn;t long before i realised that it was only the wishful thinking on my part. it has been 497 days. and many things happened within this time frame. but i shan't say what. you should know it yourself. u made me happy for some, you made me sad for some. but all this are my fault. cause, it's me who couldn't let go, me who don't want to let go. during this period there are times in which i am in heaven and times in which i am in hell. those are memories i cannot forget. there are also times in which i just feel like killing myself to forget all these things but it just seems hard. however, for now, i would just have to wait. for you.
